Why Your Ideal Self Isn’t Who You Think It Is

Think about the version of yourself you’re striving to become. Maybe it’s someone with the perfect career, effortless confidence, impeccable habits, and a life that looks flawless from the outside.

You’ve likely crafted this vision over years, shaped by influences like childhood expectations, societal pressures, or the polished highlight reels you see online.

But here’s the question no one asks: Is that “ideal self” even the right person for you to become?

We’re so often told to define who we want to be and then work tirelessly to get there. But in doing so, we risk building a version of ourselves that’s disconnected from who we truly are. We treat identity as something fixed, a rigid goal to achieve rather than a fluid journey to embrace. And that’s where the struggle begins.

When your ideal self becomes a static image—a checklist of traits, achievements, and milestones—you lock yourself into an unchanging framework. Every time life shifts, or you grow, or your values evolve, that framework starts to crack. Yet instead of questioning the goal, we punish ourselves for not fitting into the mold.

Here’s the truth: Your ideal self isn’t a fixed destination. It’s a moving target, one that should shift and adapt as you do.

Think back to the dreams you had ten years ago. How many of those still resonate with who you are today? Maybe you achieved some of them, and they didn’t feel as fulfilling as you expected. Maybe others now feel irrelevant because your priorities have changed.

That’s the beauty (and challenge) of being human.

You’re meant to grow. Your identity isn’t static, and your ideal self shouldn’t be either. What if, instead of chasing a perfect version of yourself, you focused on aligning with who you are right now, while staying open to evolution?

This approach isn’t about settling or giving up on self-improvement. It’s about letting go of rigid expectations and stepping into a relationship with your identity that’s dynamic, adaptive, and rooted in your values. Imagine the freedom of allowing your goals to grow with you.

You’re no longer chained to a vision that doesn’t fit. Instead, you’re building a life and a self that aligns with what truly matters to you in this moment.

So how do you do this?

Start by asking better questions.

Instead of “What do I want to achieve to become my ideal self?” try “What feels meaningful to me right now?”

Instead of “Who should I be?” ask “What kind of person do I want to be in this phase of my life?”

When you shift your focus from a fixed endpoint to an evolving process, something magical happens. You stop striving for perfection and start living with purpose. You’re no longer chasing an outdated vision of success, you’re creating a life that grows alongside you.

Because the truth is, you’re not meant to become one version of yourself. You’re meant to become many versions, each one more aligned, more authentic, and more alive than the last.

So, ask yourself: Who am I becoming today, and how can I honor that version of myself? That’s where the real transformation begins.