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Episode 16 – Codependency and Self Love

Codependency shows itself in very subtle ways and is often hidden beneath other factors. Even though it’s hard to put our finger on it all the time, it will hurt us greatly if it goes unnoticed and uncorrected.

Simply defined, codependency is the “lost self.”

Culturally, we are receiving messaging that often glorifies codependency. Society celebrates the “happy ending” in such a way that encourages us to look outwards for love. And doesn’t emphasize how important it is to love ourselves first.

Often we talk about this in the setting of relationships. But codependency can also occur with processes or substances as well as with people. It’s really when we “lose ourselves” to something outside ourselves.

This episode offers a new perspective on codependency. We draw some meaningful parallels between codependency and addiction. You’ll also learn some clear symptoms of codependent relationships.

Then discover tips on how to avoid a cycle of codependency in your own life. (HINT: Self love is crucial.)

Finally, we’ll share some simple mindset shifts that will help you find and hold important boundaries. And become more aware of your own needs.

Some topics covered in this episode:

  • Explaining what codependency is.
  • How addiction is related to codependency.
  • Dissecting “identity.”
  • Why your values matter.
  • Cultural influence on codependency.
  • How awareness can prevent an identity crisis.
  • Ways to be more emotionally resilient.
  • Codependency and enmeshment.
  • The model of development.
  • Why looking outwards for our happiness is dangerous.
  • How boundaries help manage overfunctioning.
  • Tips on improving self care.
  • Stopping codependency for future generations.
  • Why self love is the answer.

To download other full episodes of The Rob Scott Show on iTunes, head here. To subscribe on YouTube click here.

Episode 15 – Optimize for Success and Happiness

There are two very different tracks the field of psychology is interested in. Historically it’s been mostly about fixing dysfunction. Helping sick people get to “normal.” But more recently, psychologists are learning what it takes to go from normal to becoming exceptional.

In this episode we get into Martin Seligman’s “Three Lives” which are three areas we can grow and change right now. There are three clear things that can make your normal life much more exceptional.

By the end of this you’ll know how to increase everyday pleasure for yourself. You’ll know how to find more passion and flow states. And how to add more purpose and deep meaning to your life.

Improving any one of these areas will help you, but growing all three can really change the game for you.

Rob also provides a handful of quick tips to help you improve. We discuss how mindfulness can give you sustainable pleasure. What the actual difference is between passions, pleasures, and purpose. And we share a valuable mindset shift to help you discover what your purpose is.

In this episode we also discuss:

  • The two goals of psychology.
  • Three pillars of happiness.
  • Getting from suffering to normal.
  • Getting from normal to exceptional.
  • Understanding the three kinds of lives.
  • Increasing sustainable pleasure.
  • How being in experience makes us wealthy.
  • Finding what your passions are.
  • Dropping into more flow states.
  • The difference between pleasures and passions.
  • Discover what really make us happy.
  • How important purpose is to fulfillment.
  • How to simplify finding your purpose.
  • How to blend the “Three P’s.”
  • The story of Marge and her bowling team.
  • How to increase self love.
  • Rewiring our stories about ourselves.

To download other full episodes of The Rob Scott Show on iTunes, head here. To subscribe on YouTube click here.

Episode 14 – Identity Politics

Do you lack clarity and the capability to navigate your own values? Or how to share them in a healthy, peaceful way with others?

This episode of the Rob Scott Show examines the topic of Identity Politics. It’s showing up faster and more aggressively in our world more than ever before.

We need to understand what identity politics is and why it’s needed. But also what to do when it becomes toxic. If we can be more aware of when this is happening, it’s going to be massively helpful for us.

Having this skill will help us govern ourselves better politically. It allows us to grow in our wisdom, and avoid conflict. There are ways to connect with other people, even if we don’t agree with them or come from the same origins.

Our focus should be on finding a sharing humanity. Not dividing ourselves based off characteristics we can’t control. It’s not useful to judge others based on their skin color, gender, sexual orientation, etc…

Finding zones of agreement will give us the ability to empathize. Understand that we are part of a bigger, shared space here on planet earth.

In this episode we also discuss:

    • Understanding what Identity Politics is.
    • Why it’s important to understand other groups.
    • How Zones of Agreement can be useful.
    • The history of Identity Politics.
    • The search for shared humanity.
    • About tribalism and “us” versus “them.”
    • Why are Identity Politics happening?
    • Defining virtue signaling.
    • Understanding groupthink phenomenon.
    • Becoming more aware of our values.
    • What’s required for virtuous leadership.
    • Valid and invalid arguments.
    • Ways to stay out of conflict.
    • How awareness can decrease divisiveness.

To download other full episodes of The Rob Scott Show on iTunes, head here. To subscribe on YouTube click here.

Episode 13 – Less is More

Do you find yourself surrounded by clutter?

Its it causing you stress and anxiety?

This episode of the Rob Scott Show offers useful tips on how to be a more mindful consumer in many different areas.

There’s a variety of ways we consume. An obvious place we consume is in the collection of physical items. But this episode explores it all…

See we consume in other areas as well. This talk also explores ways we consume food, technology, information, attention and more.

The mindset of needing “infinitely more,” is just not sustainable.

The rate of consumption in our world is increasing quickly. Because the population has grown rapidly, we need to be mindful of the resources we have available to us. Growing better consumption habits helps to preserve the limited resources.

There’s a personal danger in mindlessly consuming as well.

It’s important we have awareness about what our values are. The key is that more isn’t always better, especially if it isn’t serving us.

Minimalism can have benefits to you.

There’s a value in “less,” because it keeps us out of overwhelm, stress, and decision fatigue. In fact, consuming less means more clarity. Which equates to more productivity and healthier financial habits.

True joy is not often found in the consuming. Instead it’s appreciating and valuing the things you do have. It’s important to discern what your values are and not simply buying more to “fill the void.”

Plus, clearing out the things that aren’t adding value to your life leaves you space for more good to enter.

In this episode we also discuss:

    • How mindless consumption harms us.
    • Defining consumption.
    • Learning about individual consumption.
    • Understanding collective consumption.
    • The cost of clutter.
    • Mindless vs Mindful consuming.
    • The impossible goal of infinitely more.
    • The sustainability mindset.
    • Planned and perceived obsolescence.
    • How your values help you consume responsibly.
    • Why more isn’t always “better.”
    • Exploring the rate of consumption.
    • “I want” vs “I need.”
    • The different type of consumption.
    • Dissecting the attention economy.
    • Learning mindful spending habits.
    • How to clarify your values.
    • Ways we can add “ease” into our lives.
    • The benefits of having less.

To subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, click this link. Please feel free to like, comment, and review. It’s great to hear from you!

Episode 12 – How to End Suffering

Suffering seems universal. Many of us get caught up in a whirlwind of stress, anxiety, and depression. We push against the reality of “what is.” We try to control things we can’t change, resist the feelings we have, and wish for different outcomes.

But here’s a little known secret…

Suffering is simply, resisting what is. And so It’s our own mind that actually keeps us stuck in the cycle of suffering.

Many people are unaware they have the capability to solve this problem. This episode of The Rob Scott Show teaches you the hack to stop suffering dead in its tracks.

It’s important to understand that suffering and pain aren’t the same thing. The feeling of pain is a sensation. At times, it’s unavoidable. But, you can experience pain without suffering if you can keep yourself from from judging it as “bad.”

Suffering may arise automatically, but it’s actually caused by our own attention and thought processes.

So the hack is learning to stop your thoughts from keeping you trapped. Begin to notice when you feel yourself suffering. And instead be with “what is,” and less focused on “what isn’t.”

Instead of focusing on what you can’t control, learn to look for the good things in your life. This alone will bring you massive relief.

In this episode we also discuss:

    • Exploring the meaning of suffering.
    • The difference between pain and suffering.
    • Why suffering is a choice.
    • How stories become “ways of being.”
    • Ways to optimize your thinking.
    • Understanding meaning making.
    • How to be “with what is.”
    • The muscle of appreciation.
    • Different perspectives that keep you out of suffering.
    • Who’s responsible for our suffering.
    • Are wishes hurting you?
    • What we can learn from experiencing pain.
    • The move to end suffering forever.
    • How attachment creates suffering.
    • Ways to be more durable in your life.
    • Understanding enlightenment.
    • How gratitude can help end suffering.
    • Changing your attention, changes your suffering.

To subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, click this link. Please feel free to like, comment, and review. It’s great to hear from you!

Episode 11 – Expand Consciousness and Grow Wisdom in One Move

The world often feels “crazy” to us.

Because of technology, information moves at a faster pace than it ever has. The political climate of today is growing more divisive. We may be in more disagreements with people over different value and belief systems.

A way to “be more wise,” is to be able to understand perspectives different from our own. The ability to do this allows us to be less stressed, less overwhelmed, and less in conflict. The skill of “stepping into another persons shoes” can help you a lot. You make faster progress, gain more respect, and get more access to truth.

See, often our own limited perspectives feel complete to us. It’s a crucial skill to develop the self awareness to know when we are too attached to our own perspective. Most of us, if asked, don’t like to be limited. Imagine going to a restaurant and only getting one page of the menu.

We want to have the “full picture.” So we can be smart, make informed decisions, and have a greater understanding of the world we live in. It’s important to remember that no single perspective holds all the truth.

It’s also useful to be able to identity different “Zones of Agreement.” Multiple perspectives are always arising around us. Finding common ground can help us communicate and connect with other people. The person who can consider other feelings and viewpoints has access to more consciousness.

In this episode we also discuss:

    • How to grow in wisdom.
    • What’s required for real change.
    • Understanding subjective vs objective perspectives.
    • The Scientist vs The Meditator.
    • How our “default” perspective limits us.
    • Exploring the “we” space (intersubjective).
    • Collective belief systems and useful truths.
    • Integral Theory and linguistic perspectives.
    • How different perspectives overlap.
    • Discussing political frameworks.
    • Finding zones of agreement.
    • Difference between compromising and finding a new perspective.
    • The importance of having self awareness.
    • How to be more empathetic.
    • The key to making progress.

If you enjoyed this episode of The Rob Scott Show, click here to subscribe on iTunes.

Episode 10 – Become The Person Who Can Do It All

Do you make so many commitments that you can’t keep up with all of it? Are you feeling overwhelmed with everything there is to do? So much so that you find you aren’t your word with your promises?

This episode will give you tips on how to become the person who can do it all. You can be more trustworthy, more accountable, and a real leader in your life.

The first step is being your word. Both to yourself, and others.

Your own self worth, and your worth with others, hinges on whether you do what you say you’re going to do.

Check in, are you your word?

If you’re not, things start to fall apart. But becoming accountable to yourself and others is THE crucial step to becoming a trusted leader in your life.

Someone capable of creating real change.

In this episode we discuss how being accountable to yourself and others will actually make you feel amazing.

This episode will give you tips and mindset hacks so you can become the person who can literally do it all.

I want you to be able to be more accurate in the promises you make by knowing what really matters to you. Growing this ability will allow you to become a leader who is dependable and trustworthy.

I hope you enjoy it! Like, subscribe, and review on iTunes here.

In this episode we also discuss:

    • How to become more trustworthy.
    • Showing up as a leader in your life.
    • Why we almost always overpromise.
    • How to create real change around you.
    • Following through on your promises.
    • Navigating your values and your behavior.
    • Why we behave differently when people are watching.
    • Creating accountability systems for ourselves.
    • Why it’s dangerous to us when others aren’t their word.
    • The (short term) advantages to lying and manipulation.
    • Examining your effort and intentions.
    • Being way more accurate in your promises.
    • Understanding what really matters to you.
    • Mindset shifts to create change.

Episode 9 – How to Manage Impulse Control

Are you struggling to match the things you know you should be doing to the the actions you’re actually taking? If so, you might need some help.

We want to help you grow your self control, strengthen good habits, and achieve more. This episode talks about how to get past the desire of doing what’s pleasurable in the moment. Plus, gives useful tips on how master the “ability to resist.”

This can be a challenge. Our culture and technology has allowed and encouraged “easy access” to many things. Doing what matters can take hard work and time. What’s more often appealing is flipping on Netflix and snacking on junk food instead.

There’s a joy in hedonism. It’s attractive to us to rid ourselves of hard work and engage in the “shiny” things right in front of us. In a world of MORE MORE MORE, it’s easier than ever to embrace the many options at our fingertips.

But this approach may not always be healthy or sustainable.

In fact, it creates a pattern of NOT doing the things we know we should be doing. Then feeling bad about it.

Often the things that feel great in the moment are not good for you in the long term. Such as: eating healthy, saving your paycheck, or skipping a night out with friends to catch up on sleep. We know this, but we still struggle to break free from the instant gratification.

If we can fine tune our capability to “resist” and practice more impulse control, we’ll start to see change. In fact, this ninja move could create a HUGE difference. You will find strengthening your delayed gratification muscle may give you deeper fulfillment.

If you grow your impulse control muscle, you’re going see massive benefits in your life. You’ll feel more trustworthy, dependable, and fulfilled. You’ll find clearer direction on what’s important for you to be “doing.” And your mind will be more steady. This will lead to a more sustainable version of yourself.

In this episode we also discuss:

  • Two crucial abilities to master in your doing.
  • Understanding how technology impacts practicing delayed gratification.
  • How instant gratification may lead to addiction.
  • Balancing your desires and your actions.
  • Find sustainability in “doing.”
  • Why mindfulness helps grow impulse control.
  • Understanding what matters most.
  • Focusing your attention.
  • How willpower can serve you.
  • Benefits of being “present.”

If you want to subscribe to The Rob Scott Show in iTunes, click here so you don’t miss our next episode.

Episode 8 – Shifting From Unconscious Consumer to Inspired Creator

How would you feel if all you had to do in your life was consume?

I mean literally being a king or queen – everything is is handled for you and you just sit there and wait for the grapes to be put straight in your mouth. How nice does that sound?

You see, never in history has there been so much to consume and so many options for how to consume them. And never has it been laid out so easily right in front of us.

In the 90s we’d joke about having a 100 cable channels (“but nothing’s on!”). Now there’s practically 100 streaming services with years worth of content on each one…

So what ever happened to writing, speaking, singing, playing music, or just telling stories?
How about becoming a leader and starting a movement?

There are massive advantages to the way we live today – the internet helps us connect to people all over the world, repetitive and dangerous tasks are automated, and life is just so much easier than it ever has been.

But what about you? What’s your contribution?

What even matters to you? Do you know?

Now that you’ve thought about it, let me ask again… How would you feel if all you had to do in your life was consume?

If you’re like many of the people I hear from, you would actually feel pretty empty.

In fact, my clients come to me because they want to be the type of person who is true to their word, who builds a business and delivers amazing value, who gives to others, and offers wisdom that people really want to listen to.

In others words – they don’t want to be just a consumer, they want to be a creator.

So what do you really want from your life? Would you rather be a creator?

In today’s episode, you’ll learn…

  • Why the source of our self-love is by showing up, doing our work, and keeping our word.
  • How focusing on serving others is the shortcut to confidence.
  • What you can decide to do today to change your identity from consumer to creator.
  • How you can flip the script and take control of your life with conscious consuming.
  • The massive upgrade that happens when you learn to control you desire and pair it with gratitude.

If you want to be a well-respected thinker, author, podcaster, entrepreneur, human, etc… You have to know what matters to you. Tune into the show today for a kick in the pants to get you started.

Episode 7 – How to Find Clarity and Take Action Now

Learn two simple strategies to gain more clarity and stop being stuck in overwhelm. If you struggle with overwhelm, you will most likely notice a lack of clarity in your life.

Ever have something little happen and right then, in the moment, it feels like the biggest deal in the world?

Well, we’re trapped in a culture that expects us to be in a constant state of responding to stimuli. TV, on facebook, on twitter, on the phone, at work, in the car – when you combine that with a lack of clarity it starts to look like:

  • I don’t know what to do.
  • I can’t connect with others.
  • I’m always anxious and overwhelmed.
  • My life has no purpose.

Do you find yourself thinking or saying things like this?

Do you know the difference it would make if you knew without a doubt what really mattered to you? The clarity of knowing what you value matters. It matters a lot.

Because the fact is this… Switch focus to what you can control. Your stress and fatigue will disappear almost immediately. And then you can start making real changes in your life with no resistance.

So how can you build the skills to know what to do in any moment and make a clear choice to move forward?

In this week’s podcast, Rob discusses…

  • Why we must find clarity in our lives.
  • How overcommitting is the quickest way to destroy your self-confidence.
  • How to get instant relief from overwhelm and stress.
  • An easy tip to stop procrastinating.
  • How to hold boundaries (exercising the “No Muscle”).
  • Ways to simplify and unplug from technology.
  • The shortcut to authentic self-love and self-confidence.
  • How you set yourself up for failure when you don’t know your limits.
  • How to finally be true to yourself (and everyone in your life).
  • Why social media affects our brain chemistry and prevents us from living our best life.
  • And maybe most importantly… The pain we create by putting our attention on what we can’t control.

Plus, Rob let’s us in on the secret that lets us have the self-love and self-respect to say yes and really mean it… Or say no, confidently, when you don’t.

Look, for most of us, there’s a huge distance between what we say we value and what our actions say we value. If you find yourself making excuses to friends, family, and coworkers like “that’s not me” or “that’s not how I want to show up”… Then this episode is for you.

Next Steps:

  1. Connect with your values.
  2. Identify what you can actually control.
  3. Simplify – say no to things if they aren’t aligned with your values and aren’t something you can fully control.
  4. Strengthen your NO muscle- that’s how you stay simple and keep your word to yourself and others.