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Why Is Change So Hard (Healing Your Life, Part 1)

Why Is Change So Hard?  Or, why do we think it’s so hard?  Have you ever heard someone say that real change takes a long time to lock in?  

Is that maybe something you’ve said yourself?

Here’s the thing – if you’re telling yourself, or your friends, or (god-forbid) your children this…you’re doing them a major disservice.  You’re setting everyone in your life up for failure….  

Change doesn’t take a long time to happen.

That’s a myth.  Change is actually instantaneous. We cling to this belief that change has to be hard, but it’s really  our own resistance to change that slows us down.  I can already hear you sputtering…

“But, but, but…you can only change one thing at a time!  Willpower is limited!”

That’s just not true.  In fact, the fastest kind of change happens without any willpower at all.

Our Past is The Burden That Stops Us From Changing…

Let’s be clear, there is no rule that we have to keep carrying our past.

Do you know my story?  (If not, trust me you will.  I hammer on about it all the time.)  Anyway, the short version is this: physical abuse followed by drug abuse followed by homelessness and rock bottom.

I was so angry and stuck in the “victim mindset” – I didn’t even ask to be born!  Why is this so hard?! – and because of that, I was projecting out onto the world all these negative thoughts and feelings.  

Everything looked ugly to me.

Finally, I woke up to the core concept: we’re all one and we’re only fighting ourselves. Through that realization, I got down to “wow, I’m just fighting myself…. Nobody’s punching me in the face anymore… I don’t have any of the challenges of my childhood, but I’m dragging them forward from my past with my core story.”

What Is A Core Story?

Our core story begins with something that happens to us when we’re very young. And we carry it with us, we live into that story until we change it for ourselves.  

As babies, we were completely dependent on our parents, and for most of us, we received everything we needed until a certain point in time…and then suddenly, we didn’t.  

Mom didn’t come when we cried.  The food we were given wasn’t enough to fill us up.  The universe became uncertain and unsafe.

Human beings fill in the reason for that uncertainty with meaning.  Meaning makes us feel safe. But that meaning, if set up a certain way, can affect us for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes we rationalize with an explanation like “I’m not enough.”  And once that seed has been planted, we start to see it everywhere, every time something doesn’t work out for us.

It becomes our core story.

So What happens If We Change Our Story?  

What happens if you start talking to yourself differently about what’s possible and who you want to be?  I did that for myself, and I literally dropped my whole victim identity and came into a new sense of what was possible for me and who I was.

Over just a few years I went from homeless to working as a clerk in a mailroom to VP of a corporation in Philadelphia – all with no credentials – building out a software business for them and making a very nice exit.

Now, listen…you might already be saying “that’s never going to work for me.”  But I promise I had absolutely nothing back then that you don’t have right now.

And do you want to know a secret?  It can be as simple as the questions you ask…what if there were right and wrong questions to ask yourself?

Become The Author of Your Core Story

If you have been trying to make changes in your life, but you feel like you’re going around in circles, the reason may be as simple as your core story being out of whack.

And while this remains unconscious to you – whatever you do to try to solve your problems just reinforce that story

You end up trying to change and ask yourself questions like, what’s wrong with me? why am I such a loser? when will I finally earn enough to be happy?   But all you’re really doing is beating yourself down.

You’re trying to change and grow but instead, you’ve become your own worst enemy and it doesn’t solve anything.

In fact, things can get worse.  The results might be extreme procrastination, frustration, anger, desperation, learned helplessness, and lashing out at others – even loved ones. You can push hard and burn out trying to reach success, but…

You’re Going to Wind Up With Incremental Change At Best

So what happens when you ask the right questions?  Things like…

Who do I need to become to make this change? What kind of person does what I want to do effortlessly?  

When you ask these kinds of questions, you can immediately shift your way into success.

The results are motivation, passion, happiness, clarity, and grit.  You see all these results because you’ve developed self-worth and self-love.  

Seriously, you are amazing.

There is no one else on earth with your unique perspective, and there never will be again.  You deserve so much more than incremental change – and the rest of the world deserves to share in what you have to offer! So…

Are You Ready to Bloom?

Honestly, this article might be enough for you to finally grab hold of the life you want.  Sometimes we just need the awareness of the burdens we carry – and once we see that weight for what it is, we drop it and move on.  I was able to change my core story, and maybe you can too.

But you might need to go deeper.  You might need to understand why you procrastinate change, and how you can let go of your fears long enough to allow this shift to happen in your life.

If that’s the case, then find support.  Get a mentor when you can.  And keep an eye out for the next article in this series.  It’s all about why we procrastinate.

I’ll talk with you then…

Rob’s Story

So, Jeff decided it was time I publicly tell my crazy life story. (Mom, he made me do it!)

*WARNING* The content isn’t exactly PG rated:

I share some pretty crazy stuff, from experiencing years of really bad child abuse, to massive addiction and homelessness, to hustling pool, to dealing drugs and getting cancer.

I even share about the time I took a cops gun away from him, and received the beat down of the century for the next few days.

By the way, this is not exactly the first time I’ve shared this. I’ve talked about it on a recent interview.

And actually, the very first time I ever shared my story in public was kind of scary. I was standing in front of a room full of strangers giving a motivational talk. And I decided that I would let this room know who I was and where I came from.

So… I jumped into my story, giving up some pretty intimate details. As I went on and on, I noticed a man in back of the room staring at me.

(It was more like he was staring me DOWN.)

Every word that came out of my mouth seemed to make his stare increasingly more intense. I started thinking to myself… “Does this guy recognize me from somewhere?” “Did I do something to him?”

So I wrap up my story and thank the crowd for coming out. And here comes “Mr. Stare Down.” Straight at me like he’s got something to say.

Only he wasn’t mad at all. Quite the opposite actually!

He approached me to let me know how thankful he was for what I’d been through, and that I had the courage to share my story. He said it was incredibly inspiring to him. He even asked me when I was going to write a book about it!

I was deeply honored.

And it occurred to me that I had never really shared my story like that before, and I realized how important it was.

Take a look at the video above. Go ahead and check it out… Because I share more in there than just the tough times.

I also explain how I dug myself out of the hell that I had found myself in. I share about the help I got from family, friends and mentors.

And how I became deeply happy, and successful in the process.

If you dig the video, give it a “like” or a “share” up top. And of course please comment below if the feeling moves you. I’d love to see if it was inspiring for you too.

And if you haven’t signed up for my free Meditation Challenge, please take a second to get hooked up with that.

Talk soon,


Quick Notes On The Video:

5:40 – Disclaimer (Not a PG talk)
7:15 – Bad influences in childhood
8:50 – Being a victim
10:30 – Addiction, Homelessness, Institutionalized
11:15 – Hustling in pool halls
14:00 – 19 yr. old spiritual awakening
15:30 – Massive expansion of consciousness
16:20 – Mentors
17:20 – Beyond Morality
19:00 – Conscious evolution to oneness
20:40 – Problems with the law
23:00 – The first time I shared my story in public
24:30 – Not trusting your own mind is the absolute worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with.
26:00 – What turned my life around.
28:25 – Going up the corporate chain REALLY fast
28:50 – Getting sick with cancer
32:00 – Entry level to Vice President
34:00 − 4 Martinis and leading company meetings.
35:00 – Deciding I was done
36:30 – Counseling from my mentor.
39:00 – Shedding your identity
40:00 – The first book I ever read cover to cover.
42:00 – I’m here to end suffering.
43:30 – Choosing to leave everything.
46:00 – I’m here to be presence, share joy and love, and help people transform.
47:20 – The Fundamental Shift “Core” Program (now called the Identity Shifting MasterClass)